Hello, John C. Calhoun Middle School community! I’m looking forward to hearing all about your children’s fun this summer. Unfortunately, Dick and I couldn’t make it to Zermatt, but we had a lovely stay-cation at our little cottage.
I’ll bet some of you are wondering about school this year. Your children’s safety is our Number One priority. Here is a list of changes you might notice.
1. We have decided to increase our active shooter drills to four per month. For those teachers still refuse to carry firearms to protect their students, the National Guard stationed inside the school will be fully armed with the latest hi-tech weaponry. (Thank you to the PTA for raising money for the amazing MREs.)
2. As for this Covid-19 business, Superintendent Kushner and I will be instituting the following policies:
Our Number One priority is children returning to the classroom. Rest assured, nothing in the data suggests being in school is in any way dangerous.
In response to the mayhem caused by the antifas, Mr. Pence from the district office is instituting a new curriculum called “Advancing God’s Kingdom.” Learn about the exciting details here.
The ability to choose what you think is best for your child remains our Number One priority. Therefore, parents who do not want to send their children to JCCMS may apply for a voucher to send their children to a local parochial school of their choice.
Finally, if there are little flare-ups or hot spots, that can be dealt with on a classroom-by-classroom or a case-by-case basis. If it is determined that your child’s classroom monitor (e.g., teacher, custodian, unemployed Nordstrom’s sales clerk, etc.) is unable to fulfill his/her duties, we are planning to hire security personnel from Blackwater to keep order in your child’s classroom.
I want to thank our staff, especially Mr. Berman and Mr. Vindman, for their valuable input. We were sorry to hear about Mr. Berman’s decision to pursue other interests. Mr. Vindman disappeared a month ago and is in our thoughts and prayers.
I look forward to giving each child a warm John C. Calhoun hug on the first day of school. Onward, Crusaders!
Sincerely,
Principal DeVos